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I’m sure you’ve heard the news: a Facebook smartwatch is on the way. And you know how this makes me feel? Absolutely fantastic.

There are few things I’d like more than for the company to track my every single movement and access a raft of health data — and what better way of doing that is there than a Facebook smartwatch?

But… I have a dilemma.

Ideally, I’d like to give Facebook more of my personal data than a simple wrist-bound wearable can deliver. There’s only one solution: ZuckTech. And lots of it.

Luckily for you and Facebook, I’m just the man to create it. Let’s get thinking.

A Facebook thermometer

The Facebook smartwatch will have my heart rate and movement data, but it most likely won’t have access to more intimate details of my body.

So how about Zuckerberg releases a Facebook thermometer? That’s a suppository? That also takes blood? And cannot be removed without surgical assistance? That’s some quality ZuckTech right there.

facebook smartwatch alternative a facebook thermometer
This is what I assume the device is going to look like.

The Facebook cube

Now we have a Facebook smartwatch and in-body thermometer, the next step is clear: THE FACEBOOK CUBE.

We’ve seen the company try and branch into consumer tech before with the Portal and its purchase of Oculus, but, simply, this won’t do. Think of all the people out there using phones, tablets, and computers that Zuckerberg doesn’t have access to. It makes me sick.

That’s why I’d like to introduce you to the Facebook cube.

Picture it: a deep, black box covered with screens and cameras and microphones. Is it a phone? A tablet? A computer? A projector? A speaker? Friends, it’s all of this and more.

Also it’s powered by your heart so needs to be physically attached to you and if you take it off you’re probably going to bleed out.

A Facebook full body suit

Imagine, if you will, a suit that covers your entire body. It forms a layer over your skin, covering every orifice and coating each sense.

It sees what you see, hears what you hear, smells what you smell. Sounds great, right? Well it gets even better: the Facebook suit will hoover up all that data so it can serve you the most brilliant and personalized adverts you’ve ever seen!

facebook suit
Can’t wait to get myself one of these fancy new Facebook suits.

Think of the utopia that would be! Facebook data would never again be used against your knowledge to rig elections. It wouldn’t need to pay $20 to access all your phone data or read all your messages without permission.

And you can be certain Facebook wouldn’t make statuses public, or expose user sessions, or let websites read users’ likes and interests! No way! It can’t be a privacy violation if the company now owns your privacy!

Friends, a Facebook smartwatch is just the start, merely a curtain twitch from the sweaty peeper’s house. I’ve shown you just how much more potential there is out there.

At least I can take heart in the knowledge that all this ZuckTech will ensure that your personal and private data is exactly where it needs to be: on Facebook’s servers and accessible to whoever’s willing to pay for it.

Just as nature intended.

Did you know we have a newsletter all about consumer tech? It’s called Plugged In – and you can subscribe to it right here.

Naabiae Nenu-B is a Medical Health Student and an SEO Specialist dedicated to flushing the web off fake news and scam scandals. He aims at being "Africa's Best Leak and Review Blogger" and that's the unwavering stand of Xycinews Media.

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E-Games

Super Mario World Is Now Playable In Widescreen

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Gif: Super Mario World Widescreen

Software engineer and SNES ROM hacker Vitor Vilela has led a team which has created and released Super Mario World Widescreen, a download that lets you play Nintendo’s Super Mario World—first released in 1990—on modern widescreen displays.

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Crucially SMWW keeps the game’s original 8:7 pixel aspect ratio, meaning that no matter how wide you stretch the display, “the screen you will see is like how would you see on a real TV screen connected to the SNES, except expanded to the widescreen resolution!”

Super Mario World is now available in widescreen

Left: playing SMW using a regular widescreen mod | Right: playing SMW on this custom widescreen release
Screenshot: Kotaku

While standard 16:9 and 16:10 monitor resolutions are supported, Vilela is also working on some other, funkier aspect ratios, like 2:1 and even 21:9 for anyone with an ultrawide monitor.

It’s available here, but before you go rushing to download it, there’s some stuff you need to know. Firstly, the download link is just for SMWW, and doesn’t contain a ROM of Super Mario World itself. You’ll have to find that…elsewhere.

And secondly, you’ll also need to download the emulator bsnes_hd, since the only way SMWW was made possible was because bsnes_hd allowed Vilela to increase the game’s horizontal resolution by 96 pixels, from 256×224 to 352×224. bsnes also allows many other SNES games to run in widescreen as well, though not to the same level of tailored perfection as we’re seeing here (as you can see in the comparison screenshot above, simply running SMW in bsnes has some framing issues).

You can check out a trailer below:

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Technology

Get free AirPods with Apple’s 2021 Back to School sale

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School is just now ending in many states around the country, but that didn’t stop Apple from kicking off its back-to-school sale this week. If you’re in the market for a new device ahead of the coming school year, Apple is giving away a free pair of AirPods with your purchase of any eligible computer or tablet. This includes the MacBook Air, MacBook Pro, 24-inch iMac, Mac Pro, Mac mini, iPad Pro, and iPad Air, which leaves you with plenty of options.

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If you decide to take advantage of the promotion, all that you need to do is head to Apple’s Back to School landing page, select your Mac or iPad of choice, and proceed with the checkout process. After you’ve decided which model you’re going to choose, you’ll reach a page where you can add AirPods with a charging case (normally $159.99) to your order free of charge.

If you’d prefer to have a wireless charging case, you can upgrade for $40, and you’d rather get a pair of AirPods Pro, it’s going to cost you $90. You can also opt not to take the free AirPods at all, but even if you don’t need the wireless headphones, they’d probably make a solid gift.

In addition to the AirPods offer, Apple is also giving current and newly accepted college students and their parents, as well as teachers and staff, 20% off AppleCare+ for the products they buy.

It’s also worth noting that all new Apple devices come with three-month free trials to both Apple Arcade and Apple TV+. For quite some time, Apple was giving consumers a free year of Apple TV+, but as we learned earlier this week, the company actually wants people to start paying for the streaming service at some point. Therefore, all of the initial free trials from 2019 that have been extended multiple times will finally be ending in July. Furthermore, eligible devices activated July 1st, 2021 or later will qualify for offers of 3 months free Apple TV+, so if you want a full year (as well as some free AirPods), you might want to place your order soon.

Today’s Top Deal The newest Nest Thermostat just hit an all-time low price for Prime Day! List Price:$129.99 Price:$94.95 You Save:$35.04 (27%) Available from Amazon, BGR may receive a commission Buy Now Available from Amazon BGR may receive a commission

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Everyone’s binge-watching this raunchy new Netflix comedy right now

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For anyone in the US who’s been going through Schitt’s Creek withdrawals and could use a hilarious new comedy from our neighbor to the north, especially as an antidote of sorts to the pandemic and all kinds of other negative news in the world right now, rejoice — Netflix has you covered, in the form of a raunchy sitcom from Catherine Reitman.

Season 5 of her show Workin’ Moms just got added to Netflix in the US a few days ago, and already it’s one of the most-watched Netflix shows, having rocketed up the streamer’s ranks of what’s popular across the service at any given moment. Reitman, the daughter of famed Hollywood director Ivan Reitman, not only stars in the series but she always writes and directs, and as of the time of this writing the series is currently the #4 most-viewed TV show on Netflix in the US. Originally broadcast in Canada via the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation), this comedy is built around the following, according to Netflix’s summary: “Maternity leave is over, and it’s time for these four moms to return to work while navigating kids, bosses, love, and life in modern-day Toronto.”

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Reitman will already be familiar to American audiences thanks to acting in such productions as It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Friends With Benefits, and Knocked Up. Her Workin’ Moms cast also includes Dani Kind, Juno Rinaldo, and Jessalyn Wanlim.

As far as how much of the show is available on Netflix right now, subscribers can stream all five available seasons of the show. Reitman recently took to Instagram to confirm that Season 6 of the show is a go, it having been renewed by CBC. In terms of when that means we can expect it to make its way to Netflix — don’t expect it before 2022, probably mid-year.

Check back here this weekend, meanwhile, for our latest complete rundown on what’s hot and being binged the most right now across all the major streaming services, from Netflix to Disney+, Apple TV+, HBO Max, and more. Our list comes, as always, from the team at the streaming search engine service Reelgood, which regularly shares with a BGR a snapshot of what shows and movies are the most popular on a weekly as well as monthly basis among its millions of users.

Reelgood, by the way, is a great service to be aware of, if you’re not already and if you’re a streaming power-user. It aims to be a one-stop-shop that makes finding shows and movies to watch convenient, especially since it gets a little hard to keep track of which service has this or that new TV show — and since they’re all constantly adding and removing content pretty regularly.

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